


how i love you

by solminn



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Death, Fluff and Angst, Hospital, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Sickness, Terminal Illness, i was hella depressed writing this, im sorry if you cry, it's lower case because idk, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 21:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solminn/pseuds/solminn
Summary: seungmin is on his death bed with hyunjin sitting next to him.





	how i love you

⋆⋆⋆

the room was terribly cold. seungmin shivers as he gazes out the window with hyunjin, fingers interlocked and neither of them speaking. hyunjin sits behind seungmin and wraps his arms around the boy's torso.

seungmin smiled slightly and leaned his head back on hyunjin's chest. hyunjin was humming a song seungmin knew well. he placed his hands over hyunjin's and tapped along to the tune.

_you wave goodbye_

hyunjin crosses his arms over seungmin's chest and holds him loosely. he kisses the top of his head and continues humming. 

_just to be safe?_

seungmin smiles to himself and caresses hyunjin's hand with his thumb. hyunjin's hands were soft, he loved holding them.

_i count the ways that i love you_

seungmin leans his head back and kisses his cheek. hyunjin tightens his hold on him, dropping his head into the crook of seungmin's neck. seungmin giggles and rubs his cheek affectionately.

seungmin tries turning around in hyunjin's arms but he holds him firmly. seungmin feels something warm and damp on his shoulder, his chest aches for him.

"hyunjin, love... i'm sorry i have to leave you but don't think i'm afraid of dying. i've been waiting for this day my whole life," hyunjin lets go enough to let seungmin turn around in his arms. seungmin lifts hyunjin's chin up and looks into his dark eyes.

"you'll be okay without me. you're strong. i love you~"

hyunjin's lip quivers and he releases a sob. he wraps seungmin in a secure hug, "i don't want you to go." hyunjin's cries were so deafening and broken that it made seungmin's heart hurt more than it usually did. 

seungmin could only run his hands through hyunjin's hair and give him tiny forehead kisses to calm him down, he didn't know what to say. seungmin grabs hyunjin's face softly and sweeps his tears away with his thumbs. he leans his forehead on his lovers and closes his eyes. 

"you'll be okay."

hyunjin stares at seungmin's face. he looks at his eyelashes where beautiful dark eyes hid behind. he looks at his nose, his lips. hyunjin gives seungmin an eskimo kiss and then continues to cover his whole face in kisses. the sides of his eyes, the center of his forehead, his cheeks, and lastly his lips. 

hyunjin could kiss seungmin forever, he loved how soft his lips were but most importantly the person who owned them. seungmin kisses him back with a smile.

the kiss was soft and long, but their time was running out, seungmin could feel it. hyunjin held seungmin in another tight hold, "i love you so much."

seungmin smiled and wrapped his arms around his neck, "i love you so much too."

seungmin laid down on the bed, suddenly hit with a wave of exhaustion. his heart beat was getting slower by the second, the monitor reminded them of that. seungmin pulled hyunjin with him, "you don't have to stay here if it's too hard for you."

hyunjin immediately shook his head, "i want to stay with you until the very end." 

seungmin smiled sadly at that. he felt bad hyunjin fell in love with him. he would only get to see him in a hospital and pay his medical bills until he eventually died. seungmin thought he was just extra baggage but hyunjin made sure to remind him all the time that he wasn't and loved him regardless of his illness.

seungmin took hyunjin's hand and intertwined their fingers. he brings his hand to his lips to kiss softly. hyunjin shuffles closer and drapes an arm around seungmin's cold body. he tucks his head into seungmin's neck but seungmin pushes him away and shakes his head.

"i want your face to be the last thing i see... please."

hyunjin's eyes watered and he nodded his head. 

"of course, love."

seungmin didn't want to close his eyes. he wanted to savor every second and etch it into his mind before he sleeps for eternity. he never wanted to look away from hyunjin's eyes. they were so beautiful to him, they held all the happiness seungmin felt when he was near him. he didn't want to say it, but he didn't want to go, not just yet.

"sing me something, love," seungmin tells him and hyunjin nods. he finishes the song he was humming earlier. it's the last song he'll ever sing to his love before he leaves forever. seungmin loves when he sings this song to him.

hyunjin clears the lump in his throat created from his tears and sings quietly. seungmin smiles and wipes hyunjin's tears. he loves hyunjin's voice. 

_i watch you go out my window_

hyunjin continues and seungmin's eyelids get heavy. he looks at hyunjin through squinted eyes and smiles, tapping his hand to tell him to keep singing.

_and count the ways that i love you_

hyunjin's tears were falling rapidly as he sang to seungmin. he could feel seungmin slipping away slowly, he couldn't even open his eyes anymore.

_i love you_

hyunjin hugs seungmin tight, "i love you seungmin."  
seungmin hums and mumbles, "i love you too hyunjin."

hyunjin held seungmin's face, smoothing out his hair and kissing his forehead. seungmin smiles and moves his hand to hyunjin's face slowly. seungmin drags in his last breath before kissing hyunjin's lips.

seungmin let's a tear escape as his hand goes limp on hyunjin's face. hyunjin holds onto seungmin's hand and kisses it, crying into it. the monitor behind hyunjin screams, signaling seungmin was for sure gone forever. hyunjin pets his hair, "sleep well, my love."

hyunjin kisses seungmin's forehead, his cheek, nose and finally his lips, the tears flow down his face rapidly. he wraps his arms around seungmin, holding him tightly, and placing his forehead on his.

hyunjin sniffed and tried to smile, thinking that if seungmin were to see him now, that's what he'd want him to do.

with his eyes closed, he takes a soft breath and exhales, "wait for me."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3 
> 
> {edit} i changed the ending just because i didn't feel it was necessary to do that to him. i want you guys to have a good message from this.
> 
> live, if not for yourself, then for the people who love you.


End file.
